Continuing our book study on Shepherding A Child’s Heart by Tedd Tripp with Karen and Meredith.
Chapter 7 Discarding Unbiblical Methods
In this chapter Mr. Tripp briefly goes over a list of several unbiblical childrearing methods.
“I didn’t turn out so bad”- This method is a lack of thinking through methodology and simply echo their parents’‘ words and tones.
Pop Psychology- Whatever’s “out there”
Behavior Modification- The idea is simply, reward good behavior; ignore or perhaps punish bad behavior. He says, “While I am not against praising children for doing what is right, I reject the notion that children should be rewarded for fulfilling normal responsibilities.”
Emotionalism- This is manipulating a child by playing on their emotional needs.
Punitive Correction- using the threat of punishment to control their children. This is the method I fall to. “You obey mommy now or you are going to get the rod.” While my kids do obey, their hearts are not being touched! Ugh!
Erratic Eclecticism- Just what it sounds like a combination of some or all methods.
The problem with all of these methods is that they are based on the human standards. Some of these methods will produce children that do what parents wants. However, “the question is this: How can you move from any of these approaches to the precious, life-giving truth that God sent His Son to set people free from sin? The above approaches don’t lead to the message of the gospel. The heart is being trained to away from Christ and His cross.”
This leads in the next chapter.
Chapter 8, Embracing Biblical Methods: Communication
“ Methods and goals should be complementary,” states Mr. Tripp. In chapter 6 he boiled down our goal to “ Man’s chief end is to glorifying God and enjoying Him forever.” If this is our goal for our children then we need a method to complement. It must be a method based on God’s Word. The bible needs to be our source, not our own ideas.
“A biblical approach to children involves two elements that you weave together. One element is rich, full communication. The other is the rod… Together they form a God-pleasing, spiritually satisfying, cohesive, and unified approach to discipline, correction, and training of children.” He founds this in Proverbs 23:13-19, 22,26. He stresses the point that these must be woven together. If the rod is emphasized above communication it gets cold and tyrannical. If there is only communication but we fail to use the rod as agents of God's authority our children are left with a "touchy-feely" sentimentalism.
In order to study each he will separate them. First he will look at communication in chapters 8-10, and the use of the rod in chapter 11.
Communication is Dialogue Not Monologue
“The fine art of communications not learning how to express your thoughts. It is learning how to draw out the thoughts of another… Communications is not a monologue. It is a dialogue.”
I have had some great monologues with my children! Sigh! As my kids have gotten older it has become painfully clear that lectures don’t accomplish much. The goal here is to talk with my kids not to them.
In light of correcting my children, communication is not expressing what or how I think about a situation but understanding the struggle of their heart and helping them understand too. The abundance of the heart is what needs to be talked about.
Tripp says, “You must learn to help your children to express themselves. You must learn to facilitate conversation… There are three issues you must walk him through: 1) the nature of temptation, 2) the possible responses to this temptation, and 3) his own sinful response.”
As I have begun to take the time to talk about the heart issues with my kids it has produced more compassion and patience in me for them. I find it difficult to expose their hearts and not see my own. I thank the Lord for the deeper relationships being built with them.
