What do you see in the trees?

Warp Speed, Captain? Make it so.

Tee's favorite ornament, Be-Ha-Ma (My Mom) gave this to her.

Em's favorite ornament, her Grandma Marge made it for her.

Si's favorite ornament, His Daddy gave him this after a trip to "the coast.' I think Rick picked it up at Pike Place Market.

Ad's favorite ornament, it was given to her by Great Grandma Ruby.

Soph's favorite ornament, I think she likes it because she can touch it and love it.

The kids

Favorite Christmas Ornaments Tag - My Grandma made this ceramic ornament for my when she lived up in Alaska.

Christmas Cookies decorated by REAL children!

Frozen Snow

Swing Dancing! Go Tee

Whoo! T irz during the last night of Swing Dance class!

Church Doodle

The first snowman of the year. He's a little bit snow and a little bit dirt. Tirz, Ad and Si made him on top of freshly plowed soil by the sled hill. (Emily is missing from the picture she was with Rick.)

Tirzah's snowman.

This according to *the boy* is his warrior snowman. His "hands" are raised in the air in victory.

And here is the other warrior snowman. He is obviously on the losing side of the fight complete with "blood" from his wounds.

Concerning Halloween

This is from the October edition of Epistula sent out by Veritas Press. It is different from what I have read or heard most about Halloween. What do you think? Anyone?

It has become routine in October for some Christian schools to send out letters warning parents about the evils of Halloween, and it has become equally routine for me to be asked questions about this matter.

"Halloween" is simply a contraction for All Hallows' Eve. The word "hallow" means "saint," in that "hallow" is just an alternative form of the word "holy" ("hallowed be Thy name"). All Saints' Day is November 1. It is the celebration of the victory of the saints in union with Christ. The observance of various celebrations of All Saints arose in the late 300s, and these were united and fixed on November 1 in the late 700s. The origin of All Saints Day and of All Saints Eve in Mediterranean Christianity had nothing to do with Celtic Druidism or the Church's fight against Druidism (assuming there ever even was any such thing as Druidism, which is actually a myth concocted in the 19th century by neo-pagans.)

In the First Covenant, the war between God's people and God's enemies was fought on the human level against Egyptians, Assyrians, etc. With the coming of the New Covenant, however, we are told that our primary battle is against principalities and powers, against fallen angels who bind the hearts and minds of men in ignorance and fear. We are assured that through faith, prayer, and obedience, the saints will be victorious in our battle against these demonic forces. The Spirit assures us: "The God of peace will crush Satan under your feet shortly" ( Romans 16:20).

The Festival of All Saints reminds us that though Jesus has finished His work, we have not finished ours. He has struck the decisive blow, but we have the privilege of working in the mopping up operation. Thus, century by century the Christian faith has rolled back the demonic realm of ignorance, fear, and superstition. Though things look bad in the Western world today, this work continues to make progress in Asia and Africa and Latin America.

The Biblical day begins in the preceding evening, and thus in the Church calendar, the eve of a day is the actual beginning of the festive day. Christmas Eve is most familiar to us, but there is also the Vigil of Holy Saturday that precedes Easter Morn. Similarly, All Saints' Eve precedes All Saints' Day.

The concept, as dramatized in Christian custom, is quite simple: On October 31, the demonic realm tries one last time to achieve victory, but is banished by the joy of the Kingdom.

What is the means by which the demonic realm is vanquished? In a word: mockery. Satan's great sin (and our great sin) is pride. Thus, to drive Satan from us we ridicule him. This is why the custom arose of portraying Satan in a ridiculous red suit with horns and a tail. Nobody thinks the devil really looks like this; the Bible teaches that he is the fallen Arch-Cherub. Rather, the idea is to ridicule him because he has lost the battle with Jesus and he no longer has power over us.

(The tradition of mocking Satan and defeating him through joy and laughter plays a large role in Ray Bradbury's classic novel, Something Wicked This Way Comes, which is a Halloween novel.)

The gargoyles that were placed on the churches of old had the same meaning. They symbolized the Church ridiculing the enemy. They stick out their tongues and make faces at those who would assault the Church. Gargoyles are not demonic; they are believers ridiculing the defeated demonic army.

Thus, the defeat of evil and of demonic powers is associated with Halloween. For this reason, Martin Luther posted his 95 challenges to the wicked practices of the Church to the bulletin board on the door of the Wittenberg chapel on Halloween. He picked his day with care, and ever since Halloween has also been Reformation Day.

Similarly, on All Hallows' Eve (Hallow-Even – Hallow-E'en – Halloween), the custom arose of mocking the demonic realm by dressing children in costumes. Because the power of Satan has been broken once and for all, our children can mock him by dressing up like ghosts, goblins, and witches. The fact that we can dress our children this way shows our supreme confidence in the utter defeat of Satan by Jesus Christ—we have NO FEAR!

I don't have the resources to check the historical origins of all Halloween customs, and doubtless they have varied from time to time and from Christian land to Christian land. "Trick or treat" doubtless originated simply enough: something fun for kids to do. Like anything else, this custom can be perverted, and there have been times when "tricking" involved really mean actions by teenagers and was banned from some localities.

We can hardly object, however, to children collecting candy from friends and neighbors. This might not mean much to us today, because we are so prosperous that we have candy whenever we want, but in earlier generations people were not so well off, and obtaining some candy or other treats was something special. There is no reason to pour cold water on an innocent custom like this.

Similarly, the jack-o'-lantern's origins are unknown. Hollowing out a gourd or some other vegetable, carving a face, and putting a lamp inside of it is something that no doubt has occurred quite independently to tens of thousands of ordinary people in hundreds of cultures worldwide over the centuries. Since people lit their homes with candles, decorating the candles and the candle-holders was a routine part of life designed to make the home pretty or interesting. Potatoes, turnips, beets, and any number of other items were used.

Wynn Parks writes of an incident he observed: "An English friend had managed to remove the skin of a tangerine in two intact halves. After carving eyes and nose in one hemisphere and a mouth in the other, he poured cooking oil over the pith sticking up in the lower half and lit the readymade wick. With its upper half on, the tangerine skin formed a miniature jack-o'-lantern. But my friend seemed puzzled that I should call it by that name. `What would I call it? Why a "tangerine head," I suppose.'" (Parks, "The Head of the Dead," The World & I, November 1994, p. 270.)

In the New World, people soon learned that pumpkins were admirably suited for this purpose. The jack-o'-lantern is nothing but a decoration; and the leftover pumpkin can be scraped again, roasted, and turned into pies and muffins.

In some cultures, what we call a jack-o'-lantern represented the face of a dead person, whose soul continued to have a presence in the fruit or vegetable used. But this has no particular relevance to Halloween customs. Did your mother tell you, while she carved the pumpkin, that this represented the head of a dead person and with his soul trapped inside? Of course not. Symbols and decorations, like words, mean different things in different cultures, in different languages, and in different periods of history. The only relevant question is what does it mean now, and nowadays it is only a decoration.

And even if some earlier generations did associate the jack-o'-lantern with a soul in a head, so what? They did not take it seriously. It was just part of the joking mockery of heathendom by Christian people.

This is a good place to note that many articles in books, magazines, and encyclopedias are written by secular humanists or even the pop-pagans of the so-called "New Age" movement. (An example is the article by Wynn Parks cited above.) These people actively suppress the Christian associations of historic customs, and try to magnify the pagan associations. They do this to try and make paganism acceptable and to downplay Christianity. Thus, Halloween, Christmas, Easter, etc., are said to have pagan origins. Not true.

Oddly, some fundamentalists have been influenced by these slanted views of history. These fundamentalists do not accept the humanist and pagan rewriting of Western history, American history, and science, but sometimes they do accept the humanist and pagan rewriting of the origins of Halloween and Christmas, the Christmas tree, etc. We can hope that in time these brethren will reexamine these matters as well. We ought not to let the pagans do our thinking for us.

Nowadays, children often dress up as superheroes, and the original Christian meaning of Halloween has been absorbed into popular culture. Also, with the present fad of "designer paganism" in the so-called New Age movement, some Christians are uneasy with dressing their children as spooks. So be it. But we should not forget that originally Halloween was a Christian custom, and there is no solid reason why Christians cannot enjoy it as such even today.

"He who sits in the heavens laughs; Yahweh ridicules them" says Psalm 2. Let us join in His holy laughter, and mock the enemies of Christ on October 31.

James B. Jordan

Mr. Jordan writes several newsletters including Biblical Horizons, Biblical Chronology, Open Book and Rite Reasons. The above article appeared in the August, 1996 issue of the Open Book Newsletter. For more information on Biblical Horizons please visit www.biblicalhorizons.com.

This was reprinted with out permission I hope he doesn't get mad.

Pumpkin contest! Addey won 3rd place in the 6 to 12 category. It's second from the right with the big happy smile.

A 1st place winner! Tirzah won 1st place in the pumpkin contest put on by the local newspaper in town.

Who needs snow! Grab your sled and slide down the nearest hill of dying grass.

Ad on her 7th birthday, 2005

Update on Ad

Ad is doing great. The stitches came out a couple of weeks ago and the little scar by her eye is healing up nicely. Last Tuesday we took her in for her second CAT scan. Everything looked great, well, except for a hunk of metal stuck up in the nasal passage. Upon the advice of the Doctor we are leaving it in for the time being. The body has probably started to seal it off with a fibrous tissue. Because of the way it is situated there doesn’t seem to be too much chance of it migrating. The doctor believes it may cause more harm and trauma to take it out at this point. So unless she develops allergies or a plethora of sinus infections we are leaving it in. We do have another CAT scan scheduled in three months just to check everything.

Due to some questions I should mention that piece of casing is in her nasal passage behind the nose, not in her nostril or any wear you can see it. She plays and acts her normal little self.

If you click on her picture you can see the small scar below her left eye.

The consequence of sin

Sometimes after you have confessed your sin and have been forgiven you are left with the consequences.
There seemed to be more problems than was anticipated at first. Spy wear, ad wear, viruses, deleted programs (oops!) I seemed to have it all. It was cleaned up. Set straight. Sent home. However, when I went home I was unable to get on line.
After many phone calls to our service provider and our local computer repair shop Terry came through for me today. The twenty-five minutes he worked on it, with me standing over his shoulder, seemed to fix the problem. He used his magic disc. He even carried the CPU to the car for me. Wow, what a guy! Thanks Terry!!!


If you’re a technical person it had something to do with the "win-soc" do-hicky.

I told this to Em and she asked if it was some thing like the thing she made at VBS last year that hangs outside and flaps in the wind. "Uhhhhhh, quite possibly," I replied.

I must confess my sin.
I may have killed my computer.
This is not the first time.
I repent.
There is nothing else I can do. Sigh.
I have taken it to the miracle worker in our town.
It is in his hands to bring it back to life.
Until then I am left alone with only my thoughts and nowhere to type them. Sigh.
I am at the neighbor's house now and have been given limited access to the computer.
Sigh.
My sin is before all.
Now you know. Have mercy.

An Unwanted Visitor!! We found this gal as she was spinning down from the kitchen ceiling. Yes, she's a Black Widow!! 

Our sweet little Addey

For those that don't know, my sweet little Addey is doing fine after a freak accident Monday evening.

It was about five in the evening when we started our first fire of the season outside in our fire pit. The kids and I were all standing around (except T who was in the house) enjoying the warmth, as the fire started really heating up there was a very loud sudden pop. Everyone jumped this way and that. As I jumped back I caught sight of what looked like a piece of brass casing from a 22 cal. bullet. Before I could look further, from behind me I heard Addey yell a panicked, "Mommy!" As I turned around I was faced with see my sweet little girl with blood all over her eye and face. Em, who was next to me and saw the same sight, ran to the house screaming. Poor Em, I wish she didn’t have to that. I quickly pulled Ad to my chest to keep anyone else from seeing her and to stop the blood. All I could do while I whisked her to the house was to pray, very loud scattered prayers and push away the fear of her losing her eye. As I entered the house I barked out for someone to call our very close friend and neighbor, Duane, who just happens to be a local Depute Sheriff. Tirz held herself together and made the called. He came right over with his wife, Wendy, following in their second car. As we walked to the car I yelled back for Tirz to call Dad and let him know. I jumped in the car with Ad on my lap holding a towel to her face. Staying with the other children, Wendy made a call for an ambulance to meet us en route on the main road; informing them her husband was driving. About five minutes into our ride Duane turned to me and asked if the bleeding was beginning to let up. I had not yet been able to bring myself to look under that towel to see how much damage had been done. I took a deep breath and gently pulled the towel away. I was immediately relieved to see her eye was totally intact. I let out a deep sign and many prayers of thanks to the Lord.

After about twenty minutes of driving one of Duane's buddies from the Sheriff office went whizzing by. He began turning around to meet us as we watched in dismay as the ambulance turn off the main road, driving away from us. Duane looked at me and said, "We're not waiting for them." and we continued driving. The Sheriff’s car caught up with us and escorted us to the hospital.

At the hospital Addey was so brave. She did everything the nurses and doctors asked of her. With the initial pain and shock of the event over she was relatively comfortable and amazingly not in that much pain. Rick arrived about 10 minutes after we did. Our friend and another neighbor Todd Panabaker came to show his support too. My Aunt and Uncle, who we forgot to call, arrived about a half an hour later. They preformed a CAT Scan and found a "foreign object" mostly in her nasal passage with tip of it in the lower eye area. But not the eye it’s self. This piece of shrapnel (I hate to even use that term in conjunction with my six-year-old daughter) missed the eye muscles, a couple of arteries, and her tier duct. Basically anything major. The ER doctors needed to call in the specialist to know what to do with piece of metal in my daughter nose. However, the Specialists are 2 hours away from us. It was decided to leave it in until the next day. At that point my uncle made the statement of the evening or at least the one that got Ad to smile and laugh a little. “Well Addey,” he said, “ now you can tell everyone you have a metal booger in your nose.” Thanks Uncle Dick. They cleaned the area at the point of entry (another word I never expected to use). At first the doctor wasn’t going to do anything, no stitches not even a bandage to keep things clean. But after cleaning the area well he decided to put two “loose“ stitches in. We were sent home with all the info we needed to go into the “big city” and hear what the Specialists hand to say.

On Tuesday we saw an Ophthalmologist who confirmed that her eyes are working perfectly. Thank You Lord. He also took out the “loose” stitches and put in nice little neat stitches. On Wednesday we saw an ENT (the ear, nose, throat guy). His advice was to put Ad on antibiotics for a month and scheduled another CAT Scan in about that same time. With most of the swelling and inflammation reduced in a month time he thinks it would be a better time to decide what to do, to take it out or leave it in. Yes I said, “Leave it in.” He thinks it might cause more damage to try and take it out. But all those decision will be made in a month. Right now Rick and I and the other kids are just thankful to have Addey here and looking at us with both eyes. Thank you for all your prayers. Through all of this I have been over whelmed with the Lord’s Great Mercy. I have felt the love of God hold us and support us. I thank Him and Praise him. Though we don’t know why this had to happen. We do know the Lord has spared little Ad and us from so much. Thank you Lord!

So, do fruit flies grow up to be one of those big flies?

Why is it when you finally find the flyswatter all the flies disappear?

Summer has been very busy and not left much time for posting. So many activities. So many projects. So many places to go! But summer is ending and school is starting next week for us. This year hold a few changes for us. We have signed up with "Parent Partnership" (sometimes called Home Link). It means we have registered our children in a near by school district. I still homeschool the kids but big daddy government now gets to look over my shoulder. I meet with a certified teach twice a month to go over how we are doing. The benefit to me is they will reimburse the cost our curriculum and other school need that are covered in this program. The school district is small and many of the people involved are Christians. This will allow us to do some things we have not had the money for. It will also allow us to get the books I have wanted and our library does not have. I'll just need to cover the cost of the bookshelves.

July 2005 

Shepherding a Child’s Heart #10

I have come to the final installment of Tedd Tripp’s book Shepherding a Child’s Heart, chapters 18 and 19. Meredith and Karen in are in on this too.

Chapter 18, Teenagers: Training Objectives and 19, Teenagers: Training Procedures

In these last two chapters Mr. Tripp discusses the ages from about puberty to adulthood. He makes a natural and east slid into this age group. He doesn’t think that these years need to be feared. If we as parents have had integrity in the previous years of training our children then these next years should continue on smoothly into adulthood. He states that the best metaphor for the parent teen relationship is the relationship adults have with one another. There is a mutual respect for one another. One doesn’t just rush in and tell their friend how and what they should be doing. If there is genuine love it usually guides us to speak with respect and gentleness and lays it in the lap verses shoveling it down the throat. (However, I have not always been a good friend and have done a little shoveling towards my friends at times. Lessons come hard when you don’t pick these things up when you are young.)

I am just embarking into ‘life-with-a-teen.’ I am a little fearful. I know I haven’t done everything right. But I have been as honest with my kids as I know and I place my hope in the Lord that he will continue to guide and lead me (and husband too) during this next phase of life.

Shepherding a Child’s Heart #9

I am continuing to Chapters 16 and 17 in Tedd Tripp’s book Shepherding a Child’s Heart. Meredith and Karen are in on this too.

Chapter 16, Childhood: Training Objectives and 17, Childhood: training Procedures

In these chapters Tedd Tripp discusses some specifics of child training in children ages 5 to 12. While change is the word he uses for the previous developmental stage of infancy to childhood (ages 0 to 5) in this stage he use the word character. These are the year that the child’s character is being developed. This is where this book has been the most beneficial to me. Most of my children are in this age bracket. The idea is not to establish more rules but to expose the child’s heart so that he can see “Who God is” and “Who he is.” This is the gospel essentially. I can see some mistakes on my part as I look back over the years. I am a rule person. If there is a problem, I try to solve it with a rule. As the gospel has continued to make inroads into my own heart and life, I have thrown off a lot of the “Christian Rules.” I have found great acceptances and freedom in the Lord. (It was for freedom that Christ has set us free…do you sing that one any more Karen?) I can see how this is inconsistence in the way I have been training my kids. They don’t need more rules either they need the Lord! They need to see they need for a savior. The need to see that he covers them too. It is a difficult thing to confess who I am and the things I do (even to date) and they have the same difficulty. Their nature is as sinful as mine. But when I am honest and truthful and confess the Lord always covers me and there is grace and freedom. I desire for them to experience that too.

I pray and ask
that the Lord would give me compassion and patience in this task of training the children he has given me just as He is with me.

Shepherding a Child’s Heart # 7

Continuing with Meredith and Karen to chapter 11 and 12 in Tedd Tripp’s book Shepherding A Child’s Heart.

Chapter 11, Embracing Biblical Methods: The Rod

This is a long Chapter and there is a lot here. Mr. Tripp spends a lot of time laying the biblical groundwork for basis of using the rod or spanking. He then discusses the some of the objection and misuses of using the rod, as well as the fruit. The use of the rod or spanking is a subject that many, even those in the church, take issue with. It is not necessarily new to me. Most of what he has written I have read and hashed-out before so I am not going to take the time to go through all of the arguments for or against spanking. I believe we use the rod consciously and appropriately and will continue to do so. I have seen the fruits in my kids. What has impacted me most from this book is the issues of the heart and the presentation of the Gospel to my children in the area of discipline. The last sub-heading in this chapter is “The Best of Both.” The rod and communication are not stand-alone methods.

Hebrews 12:5 and 6,

“You have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you sons: ‘My son do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when He rebukes you, because the Lord disciples those He loves, and He punishes everyone He accept as his son’.”

Mr. Tripp states, “ Your children need to be known and understood- thus rich communications necessary. They also need limits that are clear and correction that is predictable- thus the use of the rod.” They must work together and have equal value. We have lopsided parenting if emphasis is placed to heavily on one or the other. However, Tripp makes reference to Part 2 of the book in which there is some age appropriateness to the when and how of this but that is next week.

Chapter 12, Embracing Biblical Methods: Appeal to the Conscience

At first the idea of appealing the child’s conscience looked very close the emotional manipulation to me. (I hate emotional manipulation by the way.) But as I read further I think I understood. When making an appeal to my child’s conscience the idea is to help them look at the issue at hand in light of their “Godward orientation.” It is not to get them to behave a certain way. Behavior is not the only or main issue. “It is to help them make a sober assessment of themselves as sinners.” God has given us all a conscience and we have the law of God written on our hearts (Rom 2:12-16). Because of this we can help our children see their heart and expose the sin and appeal to their God-given conscience as an adjudicator of right and wrong. It is not to manipulate them into seeing everything our way, but to work with the Holy Spirit, as the Spirit of God convicts their conscience. It is to bring them to an understanding of the mercy of God, who offered Himself as a sacrifice for sinners, in which they are included.

Christian parenting is not to offer a law our children can keep. It is not giving them rules of conduct to help them behave and function in society. Giving them a lesser standard they can keep does not lead them to reliance upon the Lord. Teaching the dependence on their own resources moves them away from Christ. It produces hypocrites who feel proud of themselves because of their ability to keep a “keepable” law. When we aid them to see themselves, to see their inability to keep the law of God; then we have the opportunity to present the gospel to them as well. To appeal to their conscience is to join with the Holy Spirit in His work in our children’s lives.

Spirit of God come and live and move and have your being in our lives.

Late Shepherd

I will be posting a day late . An impromptu get together with our neighbors, a dentist appointment and a little procrastination on my part has left me short on time. Sorry gals.

Shepherding a Child’s Heart #6

I’m continuing on to chapters nine and ten in Tedd Tripp’s book Shepherding a Child’s Heart. You can checkout Meredith and Karen’s posts on his book as well.

Chapter 9 Embracing Biblical Methods: Types of Communication

In this chapter Mr. Tripp discusses the idea that 80 to 90 percent of parents reduce parenting to three basic elements: rules, correction, and discipline. But he points out that there is “a rich dimension of communication that must lie beneath and support all you say in providing rules, calling your children to account and meting out appropriate discipline.”

He encourages us as parents “to modify our speech to suit the need of the moment” as instructed in 1 Thessalonians 5:14, “Warn those who are idle, encourage the timid, help the weak, be patient with everyone.”

Our children have different conditions and different needs. I need to take the time to understand the moment and the child so I can speak appropriately into the situation. Rules, correction and discipline need to be supported. These eight elements are the supports:

Encouragement

Correction

Rebuke

Entreaty

Instruction

Warning

Teaching

Prayer

He goes on to explain and define these in communication. It seemed self-explanatory to me so I’m not taking the time to go over each one. Moving on.

Chapter 10 Embracing Biblical Methods: A Life of Communication

In this chapter Mr. Tripp discusses the cost of communicating with our children. He says our cost is quite high but worth the relationship that comes in the end. It will cost us time and being flexible with our time. We need to make communicating a habit. To take the time to talk to our children when they are ready and want to talk to us. In my life this means quitting my own thoughts to focus on theirs, staying up a little late when I’m tired and answering their questions, turning off the radio on our 40 min. drive to town and walking away from the computer (ouch). I have to say, I enjoy my own space and time. When one starts having babies one quickly realizes these little cuddly creatures invade one’s space. Sweet little newborns are so wonderful that I never minded the time spent. (I also had babies that slept through the night at an early age:) However, the three-year old who shoves her little lips as far as she is capably under the locked bathroom door and yells, “Mommmmyyyyy! Wha’cha do’nin? Mommmmyyyyyy!! I WANT IN!! Mommmmyyyyyyy!!! That once sweet baby has become a “space-invader.” Now there is something demanded from me. What I have seen from this book so far is that I have become weary in well doing. I paid the price with my older kids and now I need to put in the time and pay the price with the next set of children.

I haven’t been perfect in communicating and training my kids, (in fact reading this book has shown me areas of weakness that need work) but with a 13 year old in the house, I have begun to enjoy the pay off. There is a sweet relationship being built with her. I want relationships with all of them.

Lord, help me lay down my life for them just as you laid down your life for me.

…who for the joy set before Him he endured the cross… so that you may not grow weary and lose heart. ~Heb 12:2 and 3

There was another area that Tripp goes over in this chapter about influential authority that was interesting but I’m getting up from this computer going to the Library with the kids. Maybe Karen or Meredith will have something to say about it.

Shepherding a Child’s Heart #5

Continuing our book study on Shepherding A Child’s Heart by Tedd Tripp with Karen and Meredith.

Chapter 7 Discarding Unbiblical Methods

In this chapter Mr. Tripp briefly goes over a list of several unbiblical childrearing methods.

“I didn’t turn out so bad”- This method is a lack of thinking through methodology and simply echo their parents’‘ words and tones.

Pop Psychology- Whatever’s “out there”

Behavior Modification- The idea is simply, reward good behavior; ignore or perhaps punish bad behavior. He says, “While I am not against praising children for doing what is right, I reject the notion that children should be rewarded for fulfilling normal responsibilities.”

Emotionalism- This is manipulating a child by playing on their emotional needs.

Punitive Correction- using the threat of punishment to control their children. This is the method I fall to. “You obey mommy now or you are going to get the rod.” While my kids do obey, their hearts are not being touched! Ugh!

Erratic Eclecticism- Just what it sounds like a combination of some or all methods.

The problem with all of these methods is that they are based on the human standards. Some of these methods will produce children that do what parents wants. However, “the question is this: How can you move from any of these approaches to the precious, life-giving truth that God sent His Son to set people free from sin? The above approaches don’t lead to the message of the gospel. The heart is being trained to away from Christ and His cross.”

This leads in the next chapter.

Chapter 8, Embracing Biblical Methods: Communication

“ Methods and goals should be complementary,” states Mr. Tripp. In chapter 6 he boiled down our goal to “ Man’s chief end is to glorifying God and enjoying Him forever.” If this is our goal for our children then we need a method to complement. It must be a method based on God’s Word. The bible needs to be our source, not our own ideas.

“A biblical approach to children involves two elements that you weave together. One element is rich, full communication. The other is the rod… Together they form a God-pleasing, spiritually satisfying, cohesive, and unified approach to discipline, correction, and training of children.” He founds this in Proverbs 23:13-19, 22,26. He stresses the point that these must be woven together. If the rod is emphasized above communication it gets cold and tyrannical. If there is only communication but we fail to use the rod as agents of God's authority our children are left with a "touchy-feely" sentimentalism.

In order to study each he will separate them. First he will look at communication in chapters 8-10, and the use of the rod in chapter 11.

Communication is Dialogue Not Monologue

“The fine art of communications not learning how to express your thoughts. It is learning how to draw out the thoughts of another… Communications is not a monologue. It is a dialogue.”

I have had some great monologues with my children! Sigh! As my kids have gotten older it has become painfully clear that lectures don’t accomplish much. The goal here is to talk with my kids not to them.

In light of correcting my children, communication is not expressing what or how I think about a situation but understanding the struggle of their heart and helping them understand too. The abundance of the heart is what needs to be talked about.

Tripp says, “You must learn to help your children to express themselves. You must learn to facilitate conversation… There are three issues you must walk him through: 1) the nature of temptation, 2) the possible responses to this temptation, and 3) his own sinful response.”

As I have begun to take the time to talk about the heart issues with my kids it has produced more compassion and patience in me for them. I find it difficult to expose their hearts and not see my own. I thank the Lord for the deeper relationships being built with them.

Shepherding A Child's Heart #4

This is a continuation of a book study on Shepherding A Childs Heart by Tedd Tripp. I started a few weeks ago along with Meredith and Karen.

Chapter 5, Examining Your Goals and Chapter 6, Reworking Your Goals

The next two chapters really go hand-in-hand. They discuss parenting goals.

Mr. Tripp begins with, “Parents want children to be successful so they can “do well” and live happy, comfortable lives. ...We want them to have adult lives filled with opportunity and unfettered by problems.” This is exactly what I once wanted for my children. Don’t take me wrong. I do want them to be happy, live a comfortable life, full of opportunities and without problems. I want this in my life too. However, this is not the reality of a fallen world. If we make this our bottom-line goal, it will make a goal that is untouchable. That will disappoint them and us in the long run.

Mr. Tripp asks the question, “What general biblical objectives will guide and focus your view of life and therefore your training of your children? What is a worthy Biblical goal?” He finds the answer in the Shorter Catechism

Q. -What is the Chief end of man?

A. -Man’s chief end is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever.

Mr. Tripp talks about six areas that we as parents take as our goals for our children.

Developing Special Skills

This section is referring to the many, many activities that parents have their children get involved with. He challenges the idea that if your child has an abundance of different skills this will spell success for them. I am total with him in the overabundance of activities that many parents push their children into. When he asked “parents why they put their children in these classes, they explain that it has helped their child’s sense of self-worth.” If the whole goal of the actives is self-worth, He suggests that we are “encouraging pride that comes from a capacity to perform.” However if self-worth is not the goal of these activities than I do not think we are encouraging pride. Pride is in us all. We have a sinful nature. In all activities pride is with us. Well, I know it is my constant companion and a sin I am always confessing. With that in mind, the activities that we have our children involved with provide another place to talk about what stirs in the heart. But again I agree that self-esteem cannot be the goal in extra activities.

Psychological Adjustment

This has to do with the pop psychology of the day. Where “the gurus promise to teach you how to build self-esteem in your children.” He asks, “Have you noticed that no books promise to help produce children who esteem others.” Scripture needs to direct our goals not the thoughts of the day.

Saved Children

This seems like such a noble goal. But he says, “This is a sensitive issue that must be tempered by two facts: 1) you can never know with absolute certainty whether your child is saved. He basis this on Matthew 7:21-23. The heart can deceive itself, thus we should test to see if we are in the faith.

2) A child’s profession of faith in Christ does not change the basic issues of childrearing. They still need to be nurtured. Tenderly encouraged to trust in the Lord not only for salvation, but for daily living as well. He goes on to say, “Repentance and faith are not acts preformed one time to become a Christian. They are the attitudes of the heart toward ourselves and our sin. … Your children must understand what it means to repent, not just “of all my sins” in some generalized way, but of specific sins of heart idolatry.”

Family Worship

This seems to be a big buzzword in some Christian circles. It is one that I find a bit chaffing. Not because family worship is bad but it is not THE goal. It is a means to the goal. Tripp says, “The end is knowing God. A means in reaching that end is family worship.” We have strayed away from “family devotions” because they always end up canned and not relating to anything. As of late, we have just enjoyed talking together about real life situations in our own lives. Relating what the Bible has to say about those situations.

Well-behaved Children

Again, Mr. Tripp discuses the idea that “having well-behaved children is not a worthy goal. It is a great secondary benefit of biblical childrearing, but not a worthy goal in itself.”

Good Education

Good grades and high paying jobs are not a biblical objective, Proverbs 23:4 “Do not wear yourself out to get rich.” Mr. Tripp suggests, “ It is possible to be well educated and still not understand life.” How many people do you know that would fall into that category?

“The chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever; therefore, your objective in every context must be to set a set a biblical world-view before your children. …Is there any other goal that is worthy?” This is the goal. “They will “find themselves” as they find Him.” This is what I want in my own life as well as in the lives of my children.

Shepherding a Childs #3

This is a continuation of a book study on Shepherding A Childs Heart By Tedd Tripp. I started a few weeks ago along with Meredith and Karen.

Chapter 3, Your Child’s development: Godward Orientation

Last week at the end of chapter 1, Mr. Tripp stated that we "needed to understand our children in two broad sets of issues that affect them:

1) The child and his relationship to the shaping influences of life.

2) The child and his relationship to God."

In chapter 2 he went over the shaping influences of a child (which was discussed last week). This week, in Chapter 3 Tripp discusses our children’s relationship with God, or as he states it their “Godward orientation.” By Godward orientation, Mr. Tripp is referring to the fact that every one is religious. All people are worshipers. “Either they worship Jehovah or idols.”

Romans 1:18-19, “The wrath of God is being reveled from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of men who suppress the truth by their wickedness, since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them.”

Our children (and everyone else as well) either respond to God in faith or they suppress the truth in unrighteousness.

Psalms 58:3, “ Even from birth the wicked go astray; from the womb they are wayward and speak lies.”

Psalms 51:5 “Surly I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me.”

“We are often taught that man becomes a sinner when he sins. The Bible teaches that man sins because he is a sinner.” Our children are no more morally neutral that we are. We all enter the world the same. Our Godward orientation is the same. We all suppress the truth. We all set up idols of the heart. “The Bible describes such idols using terminology such as fear of man, evil desires, lusts, and pride.”

Mr. Tripp states, “As our children interact with their childhood experiences, they interact from a Godward orientation…They are not neutral. They are not simply the sum total of what you and I put in to them.” They respond in accordance to there own little hearts, according to their Godward orientation.

In my mind, their Godward orientation is always going to be from an idolatrous heart. They are sinners from birth. As they respond to the experiences in their life, it is our responsibility as parent to bring them to the truth. To show them the state of their heart and let them know there is only One, their Maker, who can change their hearts.

This puts the emphasis where it needs to be. In all our efforts to provide good shaping influences for our children it is the Lord who calls them out of darkness into His marvelous light. The Lord is the one that ultimately initiates any work in our children’s heart. This brings up an excellent point that Tripp makes at the end of this chapter. “In all this you must pray that God will working in and around your efforts and the responses of your children to make them people who know and honor God.” I need to pray more for my children! For me, this is what this whole chapter boils down to.

Chapter 4, You’re in Charge

Now Tripp come to authority. I actually have had no problem with being in authority. I like authority, as long as I’m the one in it and not under it.J This of course, is the first point brought out. WE as parents are under authority, the Lord’s authority. We act as an authority in our children’s lives only because God calls us to act in His behalf in their lives (Deut. 6 and Eph 6). He is the ultimate authority in their lives. We are delegated to this task and duty from Him. Tripp says,” You and your children are in the same boat. You are both under God’s authority. You have different roles, but the same Master.”

The understanding of being under God’s authority as I take authority in my children’s lives gives me not only confidence to act in their lives but also a sobering humility. Tripp says, “Your focus can be sharpened by the realization that discipline is not you working on your agenda, venting your wrath towards your children; it is you coming as God’s representative, bringing the reproof of life to your son and daughter. You only muddy the water when the bottom line is your displeasure over their behavior, rather than God’s discipline with rebellion against His ordained authority.” I “muddy the water” far to often.

The next point Tripp makes is one of my personal weaknesses. He says there is “no place for anger… The only thing children learn is the of fear man, not the fear of God… Any change in behavior that is produced by such anger is not going to move your children towards God. It moves them away from God. It moves them in the direction of the idolatry of fearing man.” My anger is the sin I am continually confess to my kids. God forgive me for my anger and all the angry words that fly from my mouth.

Shepherding a Child's Heart # 2

This is a continuation of my comments on the book Shepherding a Child's Heart I started last week. Karen, and Meredith are doing the same.

Part 1

Foundations for Biblical Childrearing

Chapter 1 Getting to the Heart of behavior

Tripp began with the heart. Referring to it as “the control center for life.”

Luke 6:45 “The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.”

Scripture makes it clear that the heart determines behavior. The focus is not on the behavior alone but the heart. Tripp believes, and I concur, that the behavior of our children easily sidetracks us from looking at the heart. Their sour behavior demands our attention. We think we have corrected their behavior by changing it to a more acceptable type of behavior.

“The problem [with this] is: Your child’s needs are for more profound than his aberrant behavior. Remember, his behavior does not just spring forth uncaused. His behavior-the things he says and does- reflects his heart. If you are to really help him, you must be concerned with the attitudes of the heart that drive his behavior.”

The heart is key. We must learn to work from their behavior back to the heart.

“This understanding does marvelous things for discipline. It makes the heart the issue, not just the behavior. It focuses correction on deeper things than changed behavior. The point of confrontation is what is occurring in the heart. Your concern is to unmask your child’s sin, helping him to understand how it reflects a heart that has strayed. That leads to the cross of Christ. (I like this part) It underscores a need for a Savior. It provides opportunities to show the glories of God, who sent his Son to change hearts and free people enslaved to sin.” Amen!

When matters of the heart are placed in the center of correcting our children, it provides opportunity to share the gospel and our own lives with them not just change behavior.

In fact, Tripp goes so far as to say it is condemnable to change their behavior only. It leads to hypocrisy and lip service only. Demanding correct behavior is only the beginning. Unmasking their sin and pulling them into the light and love of the cross is the next, I still like this part.

Chapter 2

Your Child’s development: Shaping Influences

At the end of chapter 1 Tripp sets the course for the next two chapters. He states, “You need to understand your child in relationship to the two broad sets of issues that affect him: 1) The child and his relationship to the shaping influences of life, and 2) The child and his relationship to God.

This week we look at shaping influences. Next week we’ll start with the child’s relationship with the Lord.

He defines shaping influences as those events and circumstances in a child’s developmental years that prove to be catalysts for making him the person he is to be. These are childhood life experiences. He lists six different areas: family values, family roles, structure of family life, family responses to failure, and family conflict resolution.

But says, “This is only suggestive of the circumstances that have impact on our lives.”

I found this to be really thought provoking. Not only do our children have shaping influences we do as well. I act and respond according to my own shaping influences from my childhood, as my parents before me, and so on. It gives light on how certain sins are pasted down through the generations. His basis for the undeniable influences in our lives is from Deuteronomy 6, Ephesians 6, and Colossians 3. It is a mistake to deny that we are unaffected by our childhood experiences.

Another mistakes in understanding shaping influences, is seeing shaping influences deterministically. (My new word for the day.) It is the idea that we are helpless victims of our circumstances. He talks about a kind of “Christian determinism.” The idea we as Christian parents adopt is that if we do our best to provide our children with positive experiences they will turn out okay. We falsely think that if a proper environment is provided it will produce a proper child. I know this is where we started in our ideas about child training. We just needed to do it the right way. Even if we could do it the right way, we assume our children are passive receivers, but they are not. We cannot change their hearts but we can lead them to the One who can. “They are responsible for the way they respond to your parenting,” states Mr. Tripp. It has become very clear our own shaping influences still play upon us. My husband and I both come from homes of divorced. About a year ago we were separated for 3 months. Now we have a very definite shaping influence in our children’s lives. And possibly a negative one. The Lord is faithful despite our failings and is healing our lives. We are learning to face the sin in our hearts and walking in honesty before the Lord, with each other, and our children. This could have a devastating effect to our children or it could give them the opportunity to respond, humbly, to the work of God in our lives and theirs. The latter is our hope. My husband and I cannot provide a perfect environment. Our own marred lives will not allow it. We can lead them to the Lord, to his saving work on the cross, to His gracious work of love in our lives and tell them He desires to know them too.

Shepherding a Child's Heart

Meredith, Karen and I will be reading through Shepherding a Child’s Heart (SACH) by Tedd Tripp and posting our comment as we go.

First let me tell you a little about the family. I have been married for 14 years (well, 14 yrs in June) to my husband, Rick. We have five children. Our oldest is our beautiful daughter, “Tee” she just turned 13 on Sunday. Next is our sweet “Em” she will be 11 next month. In the middle we have “Si” also affectionately called “The Boy.” He’s eight years old. Then comes our six years old “Ad” she was our 1^st to be born out here in Third World County. And last but certainly not the quietest is “Fee” she’s three. She’s not a baby. “My a big girl.”

We have been very blessed to received great teaching on the family as well as child training. We started early in our marriage with Fugate’s book (I think it's called Child Training or something like that), which we came to realize is a little heavy hand. We listened to some great tapes by a Mennonite minister by the name of Denny Kenaston (also known as Brother Denny). There have been others books along the way. One of the best books we have read is The Family: God’s Weapon for Victory By Robert Andrews. (OK, this is a small plug. The author just happens to be my neighbor and an elder at our church. However, it’s a great book even if you don’t know him personally:)

Being surrounded by great teaching (and a great teacher) and knowing a lot of the principles doesn’t necessarily make great husbands and wives or great parents. Application doesn’t always come easy to me (or my husband.) I always find it rewarding to read (and reread) books as a source of encouragement to not "grow weary in well doing." With a very sweet but very energetic, sometimes wild three year old in the house I definitely get weary. I'm ready for some encouragement.

As I read through the intro of Tripp’s book I felt ready to hear again why am running the race of a parent. Tripp begins with a biblical overview.

"The parenting task is multifaceted. It involves being authorities who are kind, shepherding your children to understanding themselves in God's world and keeping the gospel in clear view so your children can internalize the good news and someday live in mutuality with you as people under God."

He talks of the authority given to us from the Lord to act as God's agent in our children's lives. It is "the servant-leader” authority exemplified by the Lord. Leading comes easy to me. Serving does not, and this always hits me hard. I fall often to using my authority to make my children do what I want instead of being a true servant laying down my life for theirs. God help me.

I desire to shepherd my children by guiding them "to understand of themselves in God's world." Understanding ourselves in God's world always leads to the gospel and the gospel is where it’s at. Tripp says,

“The central focus of parenting is the gospel. You need to direct not simply the behavior of the your children, but the attitudes of their hearts…Therefore, your parenting goals cannot simply be well-behaved children.”

I have seen too many well-behaved kids reject the Lord and their parents. Behavior is important but it's not the goal. When asked if he expected his children to become believers Tripp’s response is, “the gospel is powerful.” He puts his hope in the Lord knowing that it is “the power of the gospel and its suitability to human need, not on a correct formula for producing children who believe.” Yes and Amen.

I'm looking forward to the rest of this book.

View of Third World County from Hwy 25

Drawn by Ad and Mom